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Forgiveness Is My Superpower

Forgiveness Is My Superpower

So many years I harboured anger, resentment and blame all directed toward my abuser. All of those emotions ruled every decision I made, it impacted the type of relationship I attracted and continually derailed any dream or goal I wanted to create for myself. The resentment was eating away at me and eventually caught up with my body creating havoc with my health.

There are layers to forgiveness.

So you decide to forgive, what happens next? It’s not a quick fix once you start to do the deep inner work especially if you have harboured these emotions for many years, the trauma is likely to have embedded into your cellular memory. Once this has happened you need to seek out some professional help. I am telling you this right at the get-go because our bodies are a beautiful minefield of biochemical pathways and no matter how hard we try there needs to be some professional intervention to navigate the trauma out of our body before we embark on our own self-lead journey of peeling back the layers. 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean the act of abuse is being minimised.

When we choose to forgive this is more about ourselves than the other person. We could spend so many years blinded by the hate and anger directed at our abuser or attacker. It uses so much energy and can take away from our life’s work. In most cases our abuser or attacker has no idea that we are directing our hate towards them or they may not even care, so use your energy to focus on your healing. You are worth it. Once you direct your energy in a more loving way to yourself, watch your life completely change. Practising forgiveness completely transformed my life as well as many of the people that I have worked with. 

Here are three treatments that have worked for me. 

1. Psychotherapy -Finding a therapist that specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy and helps to reduce PTSD symptoms, anxiety and depression. This was where the real work started for me. After working with my therapist, I was able to take the tools I had learnt and apply them in all of my everyday situations. My abuse didn’t happen in New Zealand, so, unfortunately, I did not qualify for assistance. These session prices range from about $130 an hour to $200 upwards an hour. I interviewed my therapists until I found one that I felt comfortable with. I let myself be vulnerable and had faith that she would get me through to the other side. There is assistance to cover your therapy, you can have that conversation straight away with your therapist. Please don’t let finances be a barrier. There will be ways to support you and you are worthy of the assistance. 

2. EFT-Emotional Freedom technique also known as tapping. This is a therapy that I discovered when I worked with my mentor Gabby Bernstein. This is something I can do myself now that I have done the deep work. EFT has helped me to walk through a massive period of growth. I have been able to instantly get myself out of a negative frame of mind and moments of absolute overwhelm. It has helped me with my nervousness around public speaking and also helps with my introverted nature when I have to go to networking events. 

3. EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing. An EMDR therapist is a trained psychotherapist. EMDR training is an extension of a therapists work. EMDR therapy works on your trauma without revisiting the event in depth. Below you will find a link where you can find your local EMDR therapist. 

Resources: 

Professional Therapy for New Zealand Residents

https://www.nzccp.co.nz/for-the-public/find-a-clinical-psychologist/ 

https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/helplines/

http://helpauckland.org.nz

EFT Therapy (Tapping) https://thetappingsolution.com/eft-practitioners/

EMDR Therapy http://www.emdr.com

Creating A Daily Practice

Creating A Daily Practice

In my Facebook group Spiritual Home I spoke about the importance of how we start our day? Creating a daily practice is one of the most powerful tools I started using when I was facing one of my darkest times. If you are looking at starting a daily practice, here are three things you can do straight away.
1. Keep a gratitude notebook by your bed, list 3 things you are grateful for as soon as you wake up.
2. Read or listen to something that inspires you.
3. Stay off social media and don’t answer emails until you have had your morning cuppa or a nutritious breakfast.
In the beginning, you will feel like you are forcing yourself. Your ego mind will tell you that you don’t need to have a daily practice. After a few weeks, it will become more natural. You will find more alignment and life will look different. You don’t need to spend hours on your daily practice in the beginning, you can start with gratitude. I know what it’s like to try and grab moments in the business of the morning. Just start and you will find time to add more.
‘When the time is on you, start and the pressure will be taken off’ -Yogi Bhajan

 

Working With My Mentor Gabby Bernstein

Working With My Mentor Gabby Bernstein

I have just come back to New Zealand after spending a day working with my mentor Gabby Bernstein, and four other Spirit Junkie sisters. I travelled to New York and spent the day fine tuning my message as well as gaining some really valuable insight into growing my business online and how to nurture an online community. This isn’t the first time I have worked with Gabby, I first went to New York in 2015 to her level one Spirit Junkie masterclass and then again in 2016 to Spirit Junkie level two at Kripalu. I had the most incredible experience at Spirit Junkie level two.
Much Love
Toni xx
Growth And Trauma

Growth And Trauma

For many years I thought that I had to be fully healed, I felt no joy, and I felt that I was always going to be miserable, then I would attract one bad circumstance after another, feeling invisible and basking in a never ending soul destroying existence. The truth is, healing from trauma is an ongoing process. You never fully heal, but what you do is you grow through it, learning to recognise obstacles, and when you catch yourself, instantly choose the path you want to take. You can actualise all of the dreams and goals that you have set yourself. You can move closer to love.

Moving closer to love is my saving grace. I have heard this expression of moving closer or choosing love many times, but I had not fully understood it. I couldn’t get it, moving toward love, choosing love. What does this even mean? My Wairua kept giving me this message of turning toward love, I heard it from many of my teacher’s lips, Like Gabby Bernstein, Wayne Dyer and Maryanne Williamson to name a few, and read it in many books. It took a rock bottom moment for me to realise what all this means is that I have to choose love instead of fear.

I was living in fear, and it was cramping my relationship with my Wairua, and I wanted that relationship back. My fears came in the form of not thinking I was good enough, lack of money, the inability to accept help or love, self-doubt, self-sabotage. Also, there were the mistakes that I made in the past that I had not let go of, things that had been done to me that I was just too angry to look at. I have more fun when I am in alignment with my Wairua, my work becomes effortless, and opportunities present themselves at exactly the right time.

Here are a couple of tips to help you through your growth period.

Growth can feel uncomfortable, and it can seem easier to give up. Feeling the discomfort can hurt. It can show up physically or emotionally, and you need to find someone to help walk you through this. If you are looking for immediate relief, check out tapping EFT. Brad Yates has some great youtube clips to guide you through this process, you can find him Here. How does EFT work? Check out this helpful article Here.

Find yourself a good therapist, preferably a psychotherapist. If the first person you get doesn’t fit with you, then try someone else. Don’t give up, you will find someone that works with you for you. Ask around and get a recommendation. There is no shame in asking for help. If you are in Auckland then check out Sonia Doulton Here.

I will be talking more about this in my book which is due to be released next March. Get on my mailing list to learn more Here

 

Why You Won’t See Me Reposting The Horror Stories.

Why You Won’t See Me Reposting The Horror Stories.

You won’t see me reposting the stories that you read or see on the internet. I get sent so many articles and stories from people that are shocked and horrified by what they read in the media. I am glad that they are shocked. It’s what we need. Still you won’t see me posting about these stories. It’s not that I am not moved or upset by these heartbreaking stories, My calling is to talk about healing from sexual abuse, the best use of me is to share how I have healed and continue to heal from sexual abuse. This is where the power lies for those that are searching for something, an anchor to help them move through their healing. I have spent the last 25 years learning everything I can about this subject. I have hit many rock bottom moments and I have found a formula that works for me. It might just work for you.
When i still felt like a victim of sexual abuse,  I remember how I felt when I heard the stories of other victims of sexual abuse. I desperately wanted to do something, to make a change, but I still felt powerless to help or make a change because there was so much of myself that still needed healing. There is so much more we need to talk about and I know it is not a beautiful subject, but if we can create a dialogue, we can also shine a light on the darkness where this subject still lies.
I am creating a dialogue and if you would like to attend my talk, find out more information here.
Much love
Toni x
Big Magic -A Night With Elizabeth Gilbert

Big Magic -A Night With Elizabeth Gilbert

It was a wet but warm summers day in Auckland and I was on my way to the North Shore to meet with my beautiful friend. As always we have so much to talk about, it’s almost like we have already started talking to each other in our heads and we start speaking out loud in mid conversation. One of my favourite things in the world is meeting up and sharing stories and current projects and the excitement that these projects bring each of us.

I remember the day we met, it was like two old friends meeting (her actual words to me, and my exact feeling) it was really something to experience. Something clicked, I know our worlds were supposed to collide at that exact moment, no earlier, no later. I am pretty sure we have a soul thing going on.

So we are standing in line and chatting, laughing, sharing, laughing more. The doors open and we make a B-Line to the row that would bring us closest to the main event. So here we are sitting in the front row on the edge of our seats, listening, soaking it all up. We laughed, we cried, we were in shock. We shared knowing glances to each other of Yes! We know exactly what she means! There was a feeling of connectedness with each and every person in the room. It was an incredible moment to be part of.

I left that evening with even more of me healed. I was in a bubble, i was still soaking in the feeling of the evening. There was so much learning on a soul level that I am grateful for. The very act of Elizabeth sharing herself, her story and how she came to write her books was very fulfilling. It filled me with fire to get on with my work. I had heard from many writers that we are called to write a book on a particular subject at a particular time, except I had been feeling it was a burden, Elizabeth Gilbert helped me realise that creativity knocked and I answered and now we are in a dance with each other to get this book out. Sometimes I am a little clumsy, but creativity is very forgiving and mostly excited, because you chose to work with it.

A little lesson on creativity when you work on the book. It can become a little possessive of your time, you mind is caught up constantly with storylines, theories and also if you are channelling the book, you have your creative guides or god, or buddha who ever you work with wroking with you, nurturing you, protecting you, keeping you on task. When you realise the magnitude of what is conspiring to bring all of this together, you can’t help but do you part to bring the book out into the world.

To explore a little more about this idea I encourage you to read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, no one can put it as beautifully as she can.

Big love, Big Magic

Toni x

 

What’s My Story?

What’s My Story?


I am passionate and unapologetic about having a conversation around sexual abuse. It is something that I have experienced myself, and it’s had a huge impact on my perception of who I thought I was growing up.
I have learnt to overcome huge barriers, I am loving life and all the miracles that show up every day. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I am here to tell the tale and helping others to find their way. Of course you already know how to do it, I am here to give you a gentle reminder of how you can find your way home.

As a young girl I was sexually abused, Once upon a time I would have felt a sick feeling to my stomach when I said that, but not anymore. I am free, I have forgiven the person that sexually abused me. I am not angry at him anymore, Its not worth my energy to hold all that anger and hate. Who does it benefit? It certainly doesn’t benefit me. All anger does is lock you into fear and fear does not serve anyone. I need to tell my story because there is a need to see that there is a way through all that pain, that fear and anger that you are holding on to.

You see I am a Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, Auntie, Cousin, Niece, Friend, Teacher, Business owner, a moving the earth kind of person. I need to be emotionally available. I know how the hurt, pain, shame and loneliness from sexual abuse affects all of those relationships. You can’t be who you truly are. You feel broken, like a part of you is just not working. You are paralysed by fear and self-doubt. It is such a waste of energy! You deserve happiness, you deserve to be loved and you deserve to love.

The thing is I haven’t always felt this way, I have had some very low moments, I have made choices that were fear based and had a negative impact on me and others around me. Again it is not my intention to give you all the answers, I can tell you from personal experience that this journey is very much about what you are ready to heal. There is no right way, there is no wrong way and I am here to share my own personal story of healing. I share the good the bad and the not so great. Let me share the tools that I have picked up along the way and you can work out if they work for you as well.

What you need to know is that I am an expert when it comes to my own story and my path that I have taken to heal. I have called on help when needed from professionals. In fact when I was at my lowest I went to seek help from my family doctor. I had hit rock bottom and I had no idea how I was going to get myself out. I felt powerless and no amount of positive self talk was going to help me in that moment. I was so lucky to have reached out to her, I have no idea what would have happened. I don’t even want to think about it. It gets worse, because of my history of self harm I was put on high risk. My doctor had a specialist team on the phone to me talking with me, making sure I was OK. They called me 3 times a day until I was able to physically see someone. I am telling you this because it’s important to know when to reach out for help. It’s not easy, there is so much shame involved and you think you have to figure it all out.

What was happening to me was a chemical feedback system that I had no control over. I had burnt out the receptors in my brain that fired messages to other parts of my body that made me feel happy. I was seeing life in Black and White, it was so scary. Nothing made me happy and day by day it got worse. No one around me could see what was happening, I was good at hiding it, that in itself is exhausting. I went on a course of medication for 3 months and suddenly life was back to being full colour. What you don’t know about me is that to take anything pharmaceutical was an absolutely a no, no. I really struggled with it, but I wanted to get better. My Doctor explained what was happening, I understood her and I really trusted her, we had a good doctor/patient relationship. I loved that she supported a holistic way of healing and she had the perfect balance between biomedical and natural.

During this period I did see a Psychologist. I was a bit weary, but it was one of the best things that I had done. A Psychologist can help you to create new thought pathways which helps you in your healing process. I talk more on this in my book and how it works, but for now I feel that it is a safe option for anyone wanting move from all of the old ideas and patterns that have been holding you back from healing.

If you find yourself in this position, I encourage you to reach out to your doctor. I can help you through my own personal story of healing, but if your body and mind is struggling, then please honour yourself and seek some outside help.

What Are You Waiting For?

What Are You Waiting For?

I am passionate about sharing my story to help others step out into their light.

I have learnt that where your attention goes energy flows. . .

My story is a journey of healing and miracles through an unwavering faith and knowing that life had more for me.
I heard the call that started as a little niggle, a little voice trying to break through the noise. The voice became louder and more frequent. I felt excited by the idea, but deep down inside I didn’t feel good enough. I thought, who am I to talk about this? What could I possibly do or say to help others?
I started writing and talking to people about the subject and built an incredibly beautiful circle of friends who believe in me and my vision. I am grateful for that 💜

I found that over the years I met many Women and Men who had experienced the same experience that I had, and I knew a way to help them move forward and Move past the pain and anger they were feeling. It was then that they were able to work towards their own healing journey. This happened to me on many occasions and I took that as a sign that there were bigger forces at play here and I was on the right path.

That’s where my book started, it’s a tool to show how I was  struggling with some really tough obstacles. At times I felt so helpless, so out of my depth. It effected my whole life, friends, relationships, my job and more importantly how i viewed myself and the world around me. My hope is that through reading my book you will feel the heaviness lift from me as I journey toward a more loving approach to my healing. I really can’t wait to share this with you. My next step was working with my beautiful friend Gabby Bernstein. Gabby is a media magnet!

She’s sat next to Oprah in an interview on Super Soul Sunday, she’s been featured on the front page of the New York Times Sunday Styles section, she appears regularly on the Today Show and Dr. Oz, and she’s nabbed features and interviews in countless media outlets. Plus she’s a social media rock star!

This media success didn’t just happen to Gabrielle. She combined her media savvy with her spiritual faith to manifest media for her message. For the first five years of her career she ran a PR business, honing her chops as a kick-ass publicist. When she transitioned her career to become a spiritual teacher, she leaned on her media savvy to secure some of the most sought-after media placements that have helped her carry her message far and wide. And she did it all through her unique process of Manifesting Media.

As a PR expert and spiritual teacher Gabrielle feels it’s her responsibility to help others share your great messages with the world. She knows self-promotion is intimidating, and it can seem like the media landscape is so cluttered that there’s no room for your message. When you have an empowering message to share, it is your sacred responsibility to get it out into the world.

Much Love

Toni x

Need Support?

I am really excited that my book is going to be launched soon. You will be the first to know about appearances or events. I have never written a book before, so this process has been really intuitive. Thankfully I have a really talented editor to sort out grammer and spelling mistakes.

My vision is to help as many men and women that have suffered from sexual abuse heal with the help of my books and the same tools that have helped me through my own healing. I have been lucky enough to work with amazing mentors/teachers and now I am stepping up and taking my message out into the world.

What you need to know is that you already have it in you to be happy, to be healed and to be successful. You have a valuable gift to share with the world and I am going to help you. It’s almost here and I want to not only share this with you, but I want you to also be a leader. There are so many people that need others to stand up and take a stand. I am not talking about being angry or wanting retribution. I am talking about YOU, healing YOU so that you can live a life of freedom. Don’t wait any longer and join in with me to be the change.

Subscribe to my monthly newsletters and receive bonuses and updates on programmes. I value you, and I want you to know that your details are safe and secure. All the information that you give me will be kept private and confidential.

Journal It Out

Journal It Out

Here are some of my old journals that I’ve had since I was a teenager. 
The top one is the most recent journal I purchased in New York earlier this year.
I have 10 times the amount you see here. Maybe even more than that.

These journals are full of transformational healing and the journey of how it all unfolded. They are literally filled with miracles.

I knew that one day I would write a book to help others heal themselves from the same pain and hurt that I experienced as a young girl and young Woman. This emotional pain impacted every area of my life, my relationships, friendships and even everyday decision making. Yes, I was a train wreck. Over time I changed how I viewed the world, I changed my thoughts, then the miracles showed up. It was a complete shift. I also noticed that the right kind of people came into my life that were also some of my biggest teachers. I am so grateful for all those people. I loaded myself with knowledge from books and attended a couple of years in health sciences to learn more about the brain, body connection. I had faith that I could be healed, however I also enjoyed the meshing of spirituality and science. This knowledge as well as my own life experience has helped me work with many people on what ever blocks preventing them from moving forward as a result of being sexually abused. For many years I felt shame and I felt that I was being judged by everyone, when in fact I was the only one doing the judging. I was judging my self for everything and anything. I was way too hard on myself, it was literally making me sick. I am so glad that I am free from judgement and I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Much love

Toni x