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So many years I harboured anger, resentment and blame all directed toward my abuser. All of those emotions ruled every decision I made, it impacted the type of relationship I attracted and continually derailed any dream or goal I wanted to create for myself. The resentment was eating away at me and eventually caught up with my body creating havoc with my health.

There are layers to forgiveness.

So you decide to forgive, what happens next? It’s not a quick fix once you start to do the deep inner work especially if you have harboured these emotions for many years, the trauma is likely to have embedded into your cellular memory. Once this has happened you need to seek out some professional help. I am telling you this right at the get-go because our bodies are a beautiful minefield of biochemical pathways and no matter how hard we try there needs to be some professional intervention to navigate the trauma out of our body before we embark on our own self-lead journey of peeling back the layers. 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean the act of abuse is being minimised.

When we choose to forgive this is more about ourselves than the other person. We could spend so many years blinded by the hate and anger directed at our abuser or attacker. It uses so much energy and can take away from our life’s work. In most cases our abuser or attacker has no idea that we are directing our hate towards them or they may not even care, so use your energy to focus on your healing. You are worth it. Once you direct your energy in a more loving way to yourself, watch your life completely change. Practising forgiveness completely transformed my life as well as many of the people that I have worked with. 

Here are three treatments that have worked for me. 

1. Psychotherapy -Finding a therapist that specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy and helps to reduce PTSD symptoms, anxiety and depression. This was where the real work started for me. After working with my therapist, I was able to take the tools I had learnt and apply them in all of my everyday situations. My abuse didn’t happen in New Zealand, so, unfortunately, I did not qualify for assistance. These session prices range from about $130 an hour to $200 upwards an hour. I interviewed my therapists until I found one that I felt comfortable with. I let myself be vulnerable and had faith that she would get me through to the other side. There is assistance to cover your therapy, you can have that conversation straight away with your therapist. Please don’t let finances be a barrier. There will be ways to support you and you are worthy of the assistance. 

2. EFT-Emotional Freedom technique also known as tapping. This is a therapy that I discovered when I worked with my mentor Gabby Bernstein. This is something I can do myself now that I have done the deep work. EFT has helped me to walk through a massive period of growth. I have been able to instantly get myself out of a negative frame of mind and moments of absolute overwhelm. It has helped me with my nervousness around public speaking and also helps with my introverted nature when I have to go to networking events. 

3. EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing. An EMDR therapist is a trained psychotherapist. EMDR training is an extension of a therapists work. EMDR therapy works on your trauma without revisiting the event in depth. Below you will find a link where you can find your local EMDR therapist. 

Resources: 

Professional Therapy for New Zealand Residents

https://www.nzccp.co.nz/for-the-public/find-a-clinical-psychologist/ 

https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/helplines/

http://helpauckland.org.nz

EFT Therapy (Tapping) https://thetappingsolution.com/eft-practitioners/

EMDR Therapy http://www.emdr.com

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